Planning Your Failure

I have spent a lots of time around folks who want to lose weight, get healthy, and/or run a marathon. There have been an equal or greater amount who just wanted to drink beer and eat pizza. I have been both. I had excuses and justifications, too. Yes, I have pretty much heard it all. 

If you are going to succeed, you are going to have some failures; I guarantee it!

There are all sorts of failures in life because life is filled with real failures and possible failures, which you can fail at failing at. Right? There are the known failures, the unknown failures, the controlled failures, and the uncontrolled failures - the failures that take us by surprise and the ones that we bring on ourselves. And there are the ones that are someone else's fault, and maybe one or two that are our fault (which we we're probably mistaken about).

In fact, there as many types of fitness failures as there are Bubba's shrimp dishes in Forest Gump.

I don't know about you, but I have failed at lots of things - well, except dying (But I did get score of 9.4 out of 10 for trying). I have had some epic and painful failures in my life, some of them still haunt me. (That is why God created running endorphins!)

I have determined that failure is inevitable.

There is a lot of advice on how to succeed in getting fit and losing weight. There are dozens of books on how to run. I am sort of bored with it. However; today I am going share some sure fire ways to fail at succeeding. Pardon my tongue in cheek negativity. ;)

- Don't plan meals. You are probably already as fit as Jillian, so why bother.

- Don't do cardiovascular exercise. Because sweating is for pigs.

- Focus only on the scale! That way you'll have an excuse to give up every time you step on it.

- Don't do any strength training. You don't want to look like Arnold in a tutu.

- Don't worry about skipping training runs. You can defer to next year.

- Don't clean out the junk food in your house. Because you are reading this blog for a friend.

- Be controversial about everything. It's better to get advice you won't like.

- Eat whatever you want. Because dieting is better than changing a failing lifestyle.

- Don't set goals. You might fail at reaching them.

- Reward your weight loss success. I recommend food and lots of it.

- Drama. Use plenty of it so that no one can help you.

- Don't get any friends involved with training or working out. That way you fail in secret.

- Don't encourage others. Because they have it down.

- Don't read success stories. Because it won't work for you.

- Make posts about your TOM. Because us guys need to know that information before commenting.

- Don't try C25K. You can't fail at what you don't try. Wait, you have to try it, that way you can fail at it.

- Make lots of excuses. Remember, the best excuses are the ones only you believe.

Did I miss any ways to fail at getting fit?

Honestly, success is trying again even when you do fail. So let's get cracking!

Thanks for the comments.