Choices

Cape Cod Marathon 2013

Life comes down to choices. We either accept or reject circumstances. If it's a nice day, we can go for a walk or stay on the couch and keep watching TV. Someone wrongs us and we can either forgive them and move on, or become bitter and resentful.

Choices can be easy and other times very difficult.

Let's say someone cuts me off in traffic, I flip them the bird, and move on. There are times when I have options. For example, I could flip them the bird, blow the horn, and call them a dumb@$$.

All of the above is a choice. :)

Emotionally I have the ability to take every thought captive. I used to be fearful of bridges. Over time, I realized that millions of people cross the bridges on my route. It made it easier to control my fear response. A conscious choice.

Sure, there are circumstances I still choose to fear.

I have made lots of other choices, too. I was thinking about my cancer. I could let it take me down emotionally or choose to live life in spite of what is going on in my body. My choice is how much control I give to it.

My response to a circumstance or event is a choice.

In fact, my life is the sum total of all the choices I have made. I have encountered all sorts of circumstances. Some I accepted, others I rejected. I certainly didn't choose every circumstance in life. Accidents happened. People hurt me. Life happens.

I choose my responses.

In 2011 when I had congestive heart failure, I chose to exercise like I hadn't since college hockey. They told me to walk 3 miles a day. I did. I wanted to run because walking 3 miles a day took too damn long. The cardiologist said to keep my heart rate under 130.

I chose to push it a little.

I got better. I got off the medication. I asked if I can go higher than 130. For me, that was a fast walk. The doc said 150.

I chose to push it a little.

The cardiologist didn't want me to run. I chose to ignore him - sort of. I walked and ran. I kept my heart rate at 150 or below. I would run until it hit 150 and walk until it was back at 120.

I did 3 miles a day at home or in the gym.

I soon registered for a 5K. It was to celebrate 1 year from being in Cardiac ICU. It was a gateway drug and I registered for one after the other. Within 6 months I had registered for a 10K. And another and another... I mean addicts choose not to keep track.

To celebrate 2 years from being in CICU, I registered for my first half marathon.

It really didn't have a choice. I had to do it. In fact my running friends forced me to choose a marathon for my 3rd anniversary. I registered for the Cape Cod Marathon in the fall of 2013. I finally chose the perfect life.

I was healthy, I felt good, and I looked good.

Then came cancer. I was so angry. I had been feeling better than I had since I was 17. There had to be another choice. There wasn't. I had treatment options, but no choices. Today I find myself waiting for treatment again.

Because there is nothing that I can do today, I choose to deal with it when the day comes.

Running for a Cause - My Own

Race for a Cure 5K

Saturday I woke up and went for a 6 mile run. I cut my 12-mile long run short so that I could run a 5K Race for a Cure on Sunday. It was nice to just run without training; 2 miles of it was on the 5K course.

I got back home about 9 and took a shower, because, well, if I don't, it's not pretty.

When I came downstairs a friend of the family was there. She brought coffee and muffins to celebrate packing day #5. Moving sucks! After 3 moves in 10 years, we have stuff that we don't even know where it came from. I think the IRS has targeted us, putting stuff in the house when we are not looking.

After a couple of hours of work, I went and donated a car full of fat clothes at the Salvation Army. Size XXXL and XXL shirts, 36" through 42" waist-ed pants and belts.

It felt good, really good!

In my bedroom I was packing some boxes and my chest felt tight. I thought my heart was racing but my pulse was only 62, which is not an unusual pulse rate at all. Once you've had a heart trauma, you don't play around. I went to my office and took my blood pressure, and it was 170/106. For just sitting around the house, it was not a good sign.

I drove to the ER which is so close, I easily beat 911.

They took me in and hooked me up to the EKG. It's one of those times when men wish they didn't have chest hair. Actually, except for photos, there is no time we wish we had it. EKG = normal. Hmm... that's reassuring. I remember one time when the EKG put everyone into a frenzy. It was like chimpanzees having a poop fight.

Now that they thought I would live, it was time to check in. The folks working there kept spelling my last name wrong and had no medical records. Finally, they got it right. The triage nurse turned to me and said, "So what do you do for fun when you're not having surgery?"

"That's me," I said.

I got my own bay and johnny and then I underwent blood tests, x-rays and was hooked up to a heart monitor. My blood pressure was still high, 150/96. They gave me aspirin after which I spoke to 2 doctors and 2 cardiologists. The doctors had lots of questions for me: What have you eaten? What is your pain level? Your pulse seems a little low at 52 bpm, do you run? I got a little excited about that question. When I was fat my resting pulse rate was 72. What's going on in your life? We are moving. The room was silent.

Do you think that might be a reason that you have elevated blood pressure? I thought about it - well duh, yes, or course. All I know is my normal is 126/82. I guess I need to take it easy?

Well, your heart seems normal. It's not A-fib (huge relief!), and your enzymes (the ones that show heart damage) are normal. Let's keep you overnight for observation.

Overnight, can I have a different doctor!?!

I spoke to the second cardiologist at length. We talked about my recovery from nearly dead to running a 125 miles per month. We talked about diet, training, weight loss, rest days and faith.

"Even though you are a poster child for turning it around, I am concerned about letting you go home to the chaos of moving." he said.

"I just want to be with my wife tonight," I replied.

"Is that good for you?" he asked.

"She's the best thing that ever happened to me." I said with a smile.

"You are going to take it easy and relax as much as possible?"

"Yes sir, I will."

"As long as your enzymes come back 'normal,' you can go home today."

"Thank you, doctor. And one more thing, can I run tomorrow?"

"I don't see why you can't run 2 or 3 miles - but easy. You'll stop immediately if you have any pain, right?"

I went home and had dinner with my wife and went to bed early.

When I woke up on Sunday, I had a cup of coffee and took my blood pressure. 128/84. Caffeine is good. :) I got dressed for my 5K race and pulled on my Cancer Sucks/ICU 2 26.2 T-shirt. I drank some water, ate a mini bagel, put on sun screen, said a prayer for my health, and kissed my family goodbye.

This is my favorite race of the year. I run it in memory of my mother who died in 2001 from pancreatic cancer. (READ MORE HERE) After I picked up my number and T-shirt, jogged a mile or so to warm up, I stood at the starting line checking my messages with the names of your loved ones. There were so many, and truthfully, it made me cry. Sorry, not very macho.

Then I ran for them. I ran as fast as I could go. And when my body said "give up," I thought to myself, my mother didn't stop having pain for months, I can run 10 more minutes. I passed the dog, the lady with the double stroller, and a guy who said he had run the Boston Marathon the day of the bombing. 7:55 for my first mile, 16:05 at mile two and I was hurting. I pressed on up the hill and onto the flat.

The Boston guy and I were neck and neck and I turned it on for the last 400 yards.

Although it wasn't a PR, it was still under 26 minutes. It was 4:04 faster than last year, and my second fastest 5K ever. I think I was slower simply because I was carrying a bigger load.

I love you and I miss you, mom.

Thanks for all your support and for your comments; it makes the journey a little lighter.

Run for Your Life!

Newly Painted Crosswalks

I am up at 5:45 every morning. I head on downstairs, switch on the PC in the office, make my way to the kitchen for my daily cup o' joe, let the dogs out while it brews, and head back to the keyboard to check my email, Facebook, log my blood pressure, and get ready to run a few miles.

It is the same all the time; my formula for getting the day started. It's pretty rigid, and very religious. It is sort of like church every day; predictable, ordered and well, routine.

Having suffered a major heart trauma in April (2011), I am not only grateful for the simple things, such as not being in the hospital, that I could not go back to work unless I had my life in better order. Although I was exercising regularly, I wasn't as serious about it as I am now. 

I like to run outside as often as I can. We did get 88" of snow this past year, so the gym is a good option during the winter months and the treadmills are wide enough for snowshoes!

As spring became summer, it is best to run early when it a cooler; that and I only have to take one shower a day. Recently I noticed the crosswalk gods were good to me, and repainted them all, not that there are many cars on the road at 6:15 am.

I get to the end of the block, some times I am still half asleep. My trusty Android watching my heart rate, counting my steps, averaging my pace, monitoring my speed and route along with a custom play list of "running" tunes such as: Take the Money and Run (S Miller), Born to Be Wild (Steppenwolf), Set Me on Fire (Burn Service), Born to Run (Springsteen), Let it Rain, Turn it Around (Israel Houghton and the New Breed) and similar fast paced rock and worship tunes.

The music can really set the pace, and wimpy slow stuff is out!

Gleason Pond

I pass by a small pond with swans about the same time Noom (A sponsor of the Marathon Project) tells me that I have just completed 3 tenths of a mile. On occasion there is a Blue Heron who fishes among the lily pads. As I pick up the pace, jogging a few more blocks to warm up, I decide on a route for the morning. I have 4, with the shortest being about a mile and half, and the longest being closer to 4 miles. I like the one with the steady 1/2 mile slope that passes by Mass Bay College the best, though I run it backwards as well.

A mile in, I check my time to see where I am. My stamina is good for longer, but my knee (a bit of runners knee due to not warming up!) and the fact that I need to get to work, push and pull the pace for the second mile.

Adjusting the tempo of sneaker-to-pavement, I have certain songs that make me want to pray, so I do. I pray for revival in my town, my church, my state and the US, all while I huff-and-puff my way down the sidewalk.

I don't get to be too religious in my prayers as I am zipping by the scenery at 6.5 miles per hour. I just ask, and move on to the next item on my list. I don't recommend this as a regular way of praying, but some of the music just lends itself to certain prayers.

I pass a few other runners from the National Guard Armory. Those guys move! There are a couple of other faces that give a quick smile or slight wave as they pass in the other direction fiddling with their iPods. On the lawn at the school I see a few folks practicing Tai Chi at 6:30 am.

I often think about what one does in Tai Chi that might connect them with God. I guess it seems a little religious to me - ha!

Like a little city, dozens of squirrels amuse themselves beneath the oaks, gathering acorns and eating breakfast.

As I round the corner and head down the hill towards the lake, I can see the hospital where I was in ICU just a few short months ago. I think about how many thousands of beats my heart has made since that day - I thank God.

I am glad that I had good care, insurance, and have had an excellent recovery; many do not. I often think about folks who rely on all that and don't have faith like I do.

I pour on the speed for the last half mile. Now I am thinking about getting home, getting a lunch made, grabbing a shower and heading to work in rush hour traffic.

As I walk the 2 houses to my front door, I often wish I could go longer. Certainly not working would help

How about you, are you religious about anything?