My Very First Medal

Another little excerpt from my new book.

The year I started running, I signed up for a race in my town called the Police Chase 5K. It was a benefit for PanCan. It ways my third race ever. I ran so hard I almost threw up. I knew I didn't win, so I just went home. I hopped  online to see the race results. As it turns out, I won my age group (50-59). I was the only one in it, but that still counts. I emailed the race director to see if I could pick up my medal. He said he would leave it with the desk sergeant. I parked my car and walked in and waited my turn at the window. The officer on duty handed me an envelope. I was pretty excited to get my first ever medal. I sat in the car and tore it open. I pulled it out with my eyes wide open. There in my hand was a 3rd place medal.

Self-Imaging

Do you remember when you first thought about losing weight? I was very obese weighing in at just about 300 pounds. I am 6' 1" but, according to my cardiologist, I should be closer to 190.

And this is why BMI is BS. ;)

I have a picture that was taken when I was 33. I looked great in that image! I stopped looking in the mirror after 41 years. I even shaved in the shower. I always had that skinny me pic as a fantasy. I still do. When I did look in the mirror, I was depressed. I had more than let myself go.

I really wanted to be thin, so I got to work.

I lost 20 or so pounds pretty quickly. I dreamed of running. I started the Couch to 5k program. Then I had congestive heart failure. That set me back.

I didn't quit.

I kept on working out, eating less, and running. As I started to feel better, I also started to look better. My self-image was changing. It was an important step to accept where I was while I worked for a future goal.

I had never really examined my self-created body image.

Speaking of body images, I had to get up at 5:30 to be at the MRI center for 6:30. My priorities were coffee, food so I could take my pain medication, and well, not wearing anything metal. This was MRI number 16. I know the drill.

It's not that I'm going for a record, but if I was, I am off to a good start.

It's warm here today, and it was flip-flops, a t-shirt, and gym shorts. There is something wonderful about being able to go around in public wearing your PJs. Just one layer away from the bed.

I was slid into the imaging machine like an <insert metaphor here>.

I don't really like the tube. I close my eyes, listen to all the buzzing and clanking, and try not to hold my breath. They clamped my head in something like an S&M mask.

It was white and not black. No studs.

They put the whip in my hand (emergency buzzer) and left the room. I tried to fantasize about something other being stuck in an elephant rectum. Is this what it feels like to be an earthquake victim?

OMG, I have an itch!

I start praying and 30 seconds in, I am pretty sure God is mad at me for something, I mean here I am in a tomb thinking about S&M. 

Ahhh, images of my wedding to Ruth.

The beach. Click, bang, buzz. Now I am pretty much terrorized. It sounds like GANGNAM STYLE! "Oh, God!" I cried out.

"Are you OK?" came the voice from the tube.

"Just fine, sir. I feel good about myself"

Reasons Why I Run and You Should Too!

When people ask, why I run? I usually answer with why don't you run? I am sort of a smarta$$, but I did think about it. I don't really like, or even love running. For me it's mostly one pain followed by another, sweating like a pig, and taking time from other things I'd like to be doing like sitting on the couch eating bonbons.

Oh, that's right, I already did that and felt like crap.

Everyone has different reasons to run here are some of mine.

I run because...

...walking is too slow.

...I can run for those that can't, raising money for research.

...I like being around runners - well, not the snobby ones.

...I can compete against myself.

...the shoes are cool.

...I sweat and then I pretend I mowed the lawn.

...someday I may need to run from the cops.

...I am on fire and never learned stop, drop and roll.

...to get thin.

...a marathon is on my bucket list.

...it's good for my heart.

...it's good for my head.

...it's good for my soul.

...it's good for the companies that sell running shoes.

...I can leave the troubles of the day behind.

...it saves on gas (but not on bananas).

...I can relax.

...I can listen to my thoughts.

...it keeps me healthy.

...it makes me feel alive (so does sex and coffee), but it's hard to beat endorphins.

...it's the place where no one can find me.

As always, thanks for the shares and comments. You guys, rock!
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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

There is a Lot to Learn!

elcivics.com

I thought I was an expert when it came to losing weight (just like I am in marriage). After all, I had done it 2 times before! I tried the starvation diet and went from 232 pounds down to 190. I tried the Dr. Phil diet (to be fair, with 90 minutes of exercise a week) and went from 240-something to 199.

I knew what was best, yogurt, low-fat anything, fruits, veggies, high quality cold cuts and frozen diet meals. And I knew what was bad: soda, rice, potatoes and pasta!

... and that bacon, eggs and cheese were my friends!

I signed up for a weight loss class at my local gym where I first started counting calories. They gave us a little lecture on staying away from pizza, wings and fast food. The trainer even taught us fractions as we divided up our plates into thirds. Of course we exercised 2 times a week for about an hour as well as being encouraged to do a third on our own.

Two out of three In it to Lose It sessions our team took first prize for the largest percentage of weight lost. (and the most farts during sit up circle!) Go us! I was on my way to losing a small child.

In the midst of all that, I got sick, really sick - like congestive heart failure sick.

After a week in ICU, a surgery, a "we don't really know, but some people need heart transplants" prognosis and a long recovery, I decided that maybe I didn't know as much as I thought I knew. (No surprise to the people that know and love me!)

I worked with the cardiologist, the doctor, an immunologist and a nutritionist to find a path back to health and fitness. And I prayed. Truthfully, I had only desired to swoon over myself in the mirror before that. Now I wanted to be healthy and fit too.

So what did I learn since they took me off the heart monitor?

- Not all calories are the same. They are just a guide for comparison; actual mileage may vary.

- Losing weight, even a lot of it, is not a guarantee that you are healthy or fit.

- There are many factors to being fit: basic strength, cardiovascular health, aerobic capacity, pain free joints, blood work within healthy limits, and best of all, you feel good.

- If you can't pronounce an ingredient on label, it's suspect.

- All natural foods can still have too much sugar, salt and unhealthy amounts of carbohydrates.

- Whole foods are not the same as low-calorie foods.

- Walking is not running.

- Hydration is very important! You can get water from other sources besides water; like fruits, veggies and water based drinks. There is even water in  margarita!

- Hydration, according to the spies at the CDC, is good for the following: Keeping body temperature normal, lubricating and cushioning your joints, protecting your spinal cord and other sensitive tissues (I guess like your privates) and gets rid of waste through urination, perspiration, and bowel movements. Eww!

- If you are counting calories, vegetables are better choices than fruit - if you have to make a choice.

- Processed foods are, IMHO, not good for you. There are plenty of studies to prove it. They are linked to every scary disease you can think of.

- Everyone plateaus at some point during weight loss.

- We all have 6-pack abs, some are just shrink wrapped.

- There are super foods which help you get the most nutritional value for the amount of calories you eat.

- There are so called healthy foods which are not particularly healthy.
- The right kind of fats don't make you fat (within your caloric limits), or cause high cholesterol. Stick to Omega 3s and avoid saturated fats.

- There are simple and complex carbs, choose complex ones unless it's fruit with other nutrients and fiber! Foods that contain simple carbohydrates include white flour, honey, milk, yogurt, candy, chocolate (which is a food group!), fruit juice, cake, jam, biscuits, molasses, soda and packaged cereals.

- Whole grains are the best kind. Did you know that whole wheat bread may not be any healthier than white bread if it is not whole grain?

- Learn to love whole grains! Brown rice, buckwheat, bulgur (cracked) wheat, millet, wild rice, popcorn, quinoa, triticale, whole-grain barley, whole-grain corn, whole oats/oatmeal, whole rye, and whole wheat.

- B-I-N-G-O, sugar has a name-o. Brown sugar, Corn sweetener, Corn syrup, Dextrose, Fructose, Fruit juice concentrates, Glucose, High-fructose corn syrup, Honey, Invert sugar, Lactose, Maltose, Malt Syrup, Molasses, Raw sugar, Sucrose, Sugar, and Syrup.

- The older you get, the more important fiber becomes. No, $h1t, really.

- If you are going to run, get your shoes fitted at a running store!

- Supplements (and some medications) should be used rarely. If you are eating a healthy and balanced diet, your blood work should be near perfect. If it's not, do as the doctor prescribes. Keep in mind a healthy diet and weight can reduce or eliminate the need for medication and dietary suppliments.

- There are no experts except possibly me. ;)

As always, thanks for the votes and comments. You guys, rock!
Friends and friend requests are the life blood of MFP, so send one if you like.
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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

Get Moving!

The word moving has many different applications in the English language. Depending on the context and the situation, it could be good or bad. If you are like me, moving, as in the whole freakin' house including toys, bikes, photos, rabbits and dogs, that is the bad sucky week from hell type of moving.

If you haven't had a #2 in a few days, moving is good, really good. If it's been 20 minutes, it's not so good. The up side is weighing in right after.

Then there are moving violations, moving trucks, moving day, movin', movies, movements, moved by the Spirit or emotion and moving as in doing something with your body besides sitting on the couch. (We are still going to count sitting on the toilet as moving.)

How do you get moving? Why does it matter? Well, if you are here to lose weight, it probably doesn't matter. If you are making a lifestyle change and working on getting fit, moving your blood and your butt is important.

Ask yourself this: if runners can walk, then how come walkers can't run?

How fast your heart beats is very important to cardiovascular health. I am not going to argue with walkers; it's surely better than sitting on the couch. But it is not better than types of cardio which significantly increase your aerobic capacity (as does fast swimming, biking, soccer, Zumba, basketball and hockey etc.)

Cardio exercise is good for you because it increases your aerobic capacity by growing more capillaries, which in turn move your blood more efficiently, which causes your heart to work less. It also strengthens the heart which is a muscle. And supposedly it stimulates t-cells which fight disease. I also watched a documentary that said that a minute of "all out" exercise can increase your ability to process fats like cholesterol. The problem with an all out minute is injury.

Exercise which raises your heart rate for periods of time greater than 15 minutes and shorter than an hour, are very good for you.

So it's time to get moving! Just go easy and walk before you run.

I use a heart rate monitor, and you might consider one too. It's not magic, but it should give you a solid idea if you are in the zone or not. To get into the zone you are probably going to sweat (even if you swim).

I was reading this and I think when Dr Oz dies from some fad diet, I can take his place.

Thanks for the shares and comments!
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If you like this blog, you might want to consider reading my new book - but at least watch the video and have a smile or two. It's HERE.

You Read My Blog, How About My New Book?

Did you ever wonder what food creates the most sensual body shots? Maybe you wanted to know the most common injuries incurred during pole dancing and why the treadmill isn't much safer. Maybe you want to be entertained by my listless and neurotic self-talk as I pump myself up to run a marathon.

I try to answer some of the most important questions about life, running and weight-loss in my new book.
Maybe you already know that I suffered congestive heart failure in April of 2011. Or that I write hospital ER and OR reviews (not really - but I am like a connoisseur). Or that I can help you prepare for a plethora of surgical procedures and give first-hand pharmaceutical advice.

I am also hoping that you won't find out that I am not as funny as I think I am.
I have been blogging about my fitness journey for over 2 years. Somewhere along the way, I have been encouraged to write a book about my weight-loss, my running, and my recovery from heart disease.

Today, it gives me great pleasure to announce my new book, ICU to Marathon - Diaries of a Nearly Dead Man.

In it you can read about a 5K race where I ran behind a pooping poodle. There is a story about the time my pants fell down in the security line at the airport. It's actually not all that funny. The good news is that I had on clean underwear which made it bearable for the other passengers.

One of the things I loved about doing the Kickstarter video was that after I had asked my daughter to keep quiet during the filming, she had an urgent need - all captured in the background audio! Even if you don't care about the book, be sure to skip ahead to the video outtakes.

To those who have encouraged me, we are in this together. Thank you for your kind words, blog comments, well wishes and prayers. We have 34 days left to get this done. Here is where to pre-order your copy.

Live, love and laugh - and get fit. David

Rules For Running, and a Few for Life

Just like the law of gravity, there are some rules for running that will produce similar health benefits if you don't fight them.

Don't run in the house. You should have learned this as a kid!

Get running shoes fitted at a running store. Wear them even if they are not cute.

Prevent injuries by strength training. Nearly half of all runners are injured in any given year. This does not include poking yourself in the eye with the mic at karaoke.

Prevent injuries by warming up and cooling down. RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation) is the most common treatment for soft tissue injuries.

Casts are the most common treatment for broken bones and some times face-palms.

Prevent injuries by stretching. 82 percent of runners will experience a running-related injury in their lifetime.

Have a training plan. What is the goal of your training? To run far? To run fast? To run a 5K? To get to the bar on time?

Have a flexible plan.

Celebrate your victories!

Don't increase mileage or intensity too much each week.

The best run is the one you don't skip.

Don't just run, strength train and cross-train. Fitness keeps injuries low.

Eat some carbs and protein within 30 minutes after a run. (Lots of geeky scientific reasons, just do it!)

Run facing traffic. You'd hate to miss your last second on earth without knowing what hit you.

Don't run right after eating Thanksgiving dinner.

Remember, you are not on a bike. If you try to coast, as soon as your legs stop, you'll fall flat on your face.

If your muscles are sore after a run, that's good.

Get enough sleep. It's best if it is not while you're running.

Replace your shoes every 300-500 miles, or if they stink so bad they could knock over a skunk.

Learn to run long slow runs and fast short ones. It depends on how long you have until the cops find out what you did.

If you run at night, make yourself visible. Most drivers are not using night-vision goggles.

If you have any sharp pains during/after running, that's probably a sign to take a few days off.

You should be able to talk in complete sentences while running. That is to say, if you can talk in complete sentences when not running.
A headwind always slows you down more than a tailwind speeds you up. It's hearsay, but it feels that way.

Running uphill slows you down more than running downhill speeds you up. Also hearsay.

Don't run with scissors. If you are reading this, you probably still have eyes.
(Dr. Finch: Where would we be without our painful childhoods?)

Take rest days! At least one a week. If you are new, start with 4 rest days, and work up slowly. (Have a training plan!)

Have fun!

Did I miss any?

Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg

When I was in 2nd grade, one of the most popular shows on TV was Batman. Bruce Wayne, billionaire by day, and crime fighting superhero by night, ran crooks out of Gotham City with his sidekick Robin. 

They were so popular, their names were added to the lyrics of Jingle Bells!

Robin had a pretty extensive vocabulary, but he was sort of religious. All of his expressions were proceeded with "holy." For example, "Holy Hoodwink" was the expression he used when the crooks tricked them. HERE is a site with the audio for just about every holy expression that was used in the original series (as far as I know). They have been collected by someone who can't spell, but I didn't notice.

It got me to thinking, Robin may have been a runner or health and fitness nerd like me? These are some of his actual lines.
Holy Almost (missing a PR by seconds)
Holy Apparition (speaking of someone who looks like Hal Higdon)
Holy Backfire (speaking of fartleks)
Holy Ball And Chain (DOMS)
Holy Blank Cartridge (when your water bottle is empty)
Holy Bunions
Holy Caffeine
Holy Catastrophe
Holy Cinderella (speaking of the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon)
Holy Clockwork (when you had a good race time)
Holy Costume Party (speaking of the Halloween 10K)
Holy Flight Plan (when your race buddy beats you))
Holy Fork In The Road (when you see a sleeping race marshal)
Holy Fruit Salad (post race bananas)
Holy Hamstrings
Holy Heart Failure (speaking of me)
Holy Heartbreak (reference to big hill at the end of the Boston Marathon)
Holy Hole In A Donut (reference to a hole in a donut)
Holy Hoof Beats (speaking of an approaching runner)
Holy Interplanetary Yardstick (there is no good time to say this)
Holy Jelly Molds (post workout legs)
Holy Love Birds (couples crossing the finish line holding hands)
Holy Marathon
Holy Mashed Potatoes
Holy Miracles
Holy Nick Of Time (speaking of a race ending in something and :59 seconds)
Holy Nightmare (speaking of lost toenails)
Holy Non-Sequiturs (you need to know what a sequitur is to use this)
Holy One Track Bat Computer Mind
Holy Oxygen
Holy Rats In A Trap (people stopping to walk in the middle of a race)
Holy Relief
Holy Return From Oblivion (speaking of a marathon finish)
Holy Roadblocks
Holy Sarcophagus (running shoes with a small toe box)
Holy Skull Tap (this is just cool)
Holy Slipped Disc
Holy Split Seconds (tenths and hundredths of a second)
Holy Stampede (a race start with thousands of runners)
Holy Ten Toes
Holy Uncanny Photographic Mental Processes (what goes on in my head every day)

As always, thanks for reading along!
And the photo is from the BBC website and taken by AP.

Running for a Cause - My Own

Race for a Cure 5K

Saturday I woke up and went for a 6 mile run. I cut my 12-mile long run short so that I could run a 5K Race for a Cure on Sunday. It was nice to just run without training; 2 miles of it was on the 5K course.

I got back home about 9 and took a shower, because, well, if I don't, it's not pretty.

When I came downstairs a friend of the family was there. She brought coffee and muffins to celebrate packing day #5. Moving sucks! After 3 moves in 10 years, we have stuff that we don't even know where it came from. I think the IRS has targeted us, putting stuff in the house when we are not looking.

After a couple of hours of work, I went and donated a car full of fat clothes at the Salvation Army. Size XXXL and XXL shirts, 36" through 42" waist-ed pants and belts.

It felt good, really good!

In my bedroom I was packing some boxes and my chest felt tight. I thought my heart was racing but my pulse was only 62, which is not an unusual pulse rate at all. Once you've had a heart trauma, you don't play around. I went to my office and took my blood pressure, and it was 170/106. For just sitting around the house, it was not a good sign.

I drove to the ER which is so close, I easily beat 911.

They took me in and hooked me up to the EKG. It's one of those times when men wish they didn't have chest hair. Actually, except for photos, there is no time we wish we had it. EKG = normal. Hmm... that's reassuring. I remember one time when the EKG put everyone into a frenzy. It was like chimpanzees having a poop fight.

Now that they thought I would live, it was time to check in. The folks working there kept spelling my last name wrong and had no medical records. Finally, they got it right. The triage nurse turned to me and said, "So what do you do for fun when you're not having surgery?"

"That's me," I said.

I got my own bay and johnny and then I underwent blood tests, x-rays and was hooked up to a heart monitor. My blood pressure was still high, 150/96. They gave me aspirin after which I spoke to 2 doctors and 2 cardiologists. The doctors had lots of questions for me: What have you eaten? What is your pain level? Your pulse seems a little low at 52 bpm, do you run? I got a little excited about that question. When I was fat my resting pulse rate was 72. What's going on in your life? We are moving. The room was silent.

Do you think that might be a reason that you have elevated blood pressure? I thought about it - well duh, yes, or course. All I know is my normal is 126/82. I guess I need to take it easy?

Well, your heart seems normal. It's not A-fib (huge relief!), and your enzymes (the ones that show heart damage) are normal. Let's keep you overnight for observation.

Overnight, can I have a different doctor!?!

I spoke to the second cardiologist at length. We talked about my recovery from nearly dead to running a 125 miles per month. We talked about diet, training, weight loss, rest days and faith.

"Even though you are a poster child for turning it around, I am concerned about letting you go home to the chaos of moving." he said.

"I just want to be with my wife tonight," I replied.

"Is that good for you?" he asked.

"She's the best thing that ever happened to me." I said with a smile.

"You are going to take it easy and relax as much as possible?"

"Yes sir, I will."

"As long as your enzymes come back 'normal,' you can go home today."

"Thank you, doctor. And one more thing, can I run tomorrow?"

"I don't see why you can't run 2 or 3 miles - but easy. You'll stop immediately if you have any pain, right?"

I went home and had dinner with my wife and went to bed early.

When I woke up on Sunday, I had a cup of coffee and took my blood pressure. 128/84. Caffeine is good. :) I got dressed for my 5K race and pulled on my Cancer Sucks/ICU 2 26.2 T-shirt. I drank some water, ate a mini bagel, put on sun screen, said a prayer for my health, and kissed my family goodbye.

This is my favorite race of the year. I run it in memory of my mother who died in 2001 from pancreatic cancer. (READ MORE HERE) After I picked up my number and T-shirt, jogged a mile or so to warm up, I stood at the starting line checking my messages with the names of your loved ones. There were so many, and truthfully, it made me cry. Sorry, not very macho.

Then I ran for them. I ran as fast as I could go. And when my body said "give up," I thought to myself, my mother didn't stop having pain for months, I can run 10 more minutes. I passed the dog, the lady with the double stroller, and a guy who said he had run the Boston Marathon the day of the bombing. 7:55 for my first mile, 16:05 at mile two and I was hurting. I pressed on up the hill and onto the flat.

The Boston guy and I were neck and neck and I turned it on for the last 400 yards.

Although it wasn't a PR, it was still under 26 minutes. It was 4:04 faster than last year, and my second fastest 5K ever. I think I was slower simply because I was carrying a bigger load.

I love you and I miss you, mom.

Thanks for all your support and for your comments; it makes the journey a little lighter.

A Fitness Nerd' View of Winning the Weight Loss Battle

There are lots of claims out there regarding weight loss methods, diets and health and fitness products. If you skip church or stay up late enough, you can watch hour long infomercials about them!

There is not a weight loss method on earth that doesn't require some effort from you!

Now that all the "I thought there was a magic pill" readers have reported me to the PC Police for abuse, we can carry on. The truth is this: one study (WebMD) showed that as much as 15 % of gastric bypass patients do not lose a successful amount of weight; some due to metabolic make up.

That sucks!

Another study showed that subjects regained an average of 73.4% of their weight loss during the first three years.

The really sucks! That means out of my 1000 friends 734 of you are going to fail.
I have finished 2 years of my journey and allow me to make some observations.

- Some of the people that fail can be found in the cookie aisle.

- My friends who have succeeded in really getting their weight under control are active, very active!

- I don't think any of my friends are really on a cheat meal regimen. It's more like life that has parties and holidays and you roll with it.

- Cleansing is counting poop as weight loss.

- The ones who disappear are usually defending their right to eat anything they want as long as it's within their calories for the day.

- The ones that win seem to understand ditching the junk food, the soda and the oceans of processed food, are part of the lifestyle change.

- Losing weight is only one part of being fit. It might have gotten you started, but it won't keep you going.

- There are lots of so called "answers" about what to eat, when to eat, who to eat, how much to eat, and dying if you eat less than 1200 calories in a day. What matters most is what works for you. The question is can you sustain this for the rest of your life?

- Reading the label can save your life. And not just if you are allergic to nuts. You can avoid too much sugar, sodium and other chemicals you can't even pronounce.

- Checking menus for restaurants BEFORE you go out to eat is what successful people do.

- Biking is for runners who like to coast. ;)

- Eating salad is healthy, but not with high calorie dressing. There are a host of supposedly healthy choices that are not. Many yogurts, snack bars and lots of whole and natural food offerings are loaded with sugars.

- Most canned food is loaded with sodium and so are frozen diet meals and even some "all natural" foods.

- Not paying attention can end you up in the cookie aisle.

I want to be in the percentage that is successful, and I want you to be there too!
Thanks for the shares and comments.

If you like this blog, be sure to stay connected for the release of my new book, ICU 2 Marathon - Diaries of a Nearly Dead Man!

Finishing is Winning

I keep thinking about doing my best, being fast, and winning races. There is a distant image of perfection of who I could have been in my mind's eye (Which, probably needs to be poked out.) Ah - if I had only chosen this path to fitness long ago.

There are so many things I could have been. Well, maybe not a Kenyan, but a lot of things.

When we were a kids, we dreamed of being astronauts, doctors, fireman and cowboys. Later on it was rock musicians and sports greats. In first grade I wanted to be married to the girl next door, but she fell in love with Tomas up the street. 

My regular readers are probably well aware, I didn't become any of those things. Well. I did get married, but not to the girl next door. Actually by 4th grade I think she had cooties which made her yucky!

If I had to do it all over again, I would have started running way back then. My friend Tom says that you can achieve the same results in about 2 to 3 years as you would have with a lifetime of running. I don't know.

Sunday I did the pastor a favor and skipped church to run a 10K race. He hates when I stand on the pews any way.

It was in the region known as the Worcester Hills, about an hour from Boston. Guess what? They have HILLS there; lots of them. From 30,000 feet it looks like a topless beach in the French Riviera.

As I look back over the last 2 years, I have come a long way in my running performance. My first 5K, the graduation of C25K took me 31:42. My best 5K time was 7 months later and was 25:08. That's 2 minutes per mile faster. About 10 minutes per mile, down to a pace of 8. You can convert to miles or kilometers HERE. 

Runners use pace as a standard comparison - well, that and brightly colored shoes.

My 10K times have fallen from 1:05:37 last fall to 59:08 on Sunday. I have only done one half marathon and the next one is going to be under 2 hours! I have another one planned in August, and 2 more in September. 

Maybe my friend Tom is right, in another year I will reach my running destiny and achieve my top speed and performance.

Honestly, I don't really care. I love to run, not for the competition, but for the heart and for the head. In the fall I am shooting for my first marathon. I just want to finish - to say I did it. And then we'll see what I do next.

I have already applied for a spot in the Boston Marathon and I am waiting to hear back. Why? Because finishing, for me, is winning.

Thanks for letting me ramble. I appreciate the comments!

Why the Gym and I Are Breaking Up

From Crossfit Files

I have been a member of the local YMCA for over 2 years. I have worked out a few times a week since we joined. I did skip it while I was in ICU, after 2 surgeries I had, and while I was away on vacation. I like vacation better than surgery.

I learned a lot from being part of a gym and taking some classes.

The real reason I am leaving is not because of anything they did. It's not even because of the people there, many of whom are on the People Of Walmart site; it's just that after being unemployed for 9 months, I need to cut some expenses.

I can run outside, and I have perfected a home workout routine for strength training that I can do on the carpet - right after I shampoo the spots where the dog puked.

I will miss the ability to go run on the treadmill if the weather sucks. And circuit/strength training was really easy with their machines. I admit, I haven't taken a class in awhile, but I loved them because we had fun and encouraged each other. The staff was helpful in showing me proper form, and opened my eyes to the possibilities of various types of workouts.

One of the funniest moments happened in my In It To Lose It class. We had a fellow named Dick in our class, and he would often show up late. One day one of the other students came to class late. The trainer asked the late comer sarcastically: "What are you, pulling a Dick?" I just about dropped my Bosu ball.

Here are a few of my observations about the gym:
- Classes: If there is a class where people do sit ups while facing each other in a circle, one in which they give each other high-5s, I guarantee someone will fart, and you will know who it is.

- Planks:  A 1 minute plank is no different then being backed over by an SUV.

- Treadmill Use: If you use a treadmill, be sure to get one in the back row. That way if you step off it at 8 MPH, not as many people will see you. The down side is that it also might take someone longer to come to your aid.

- Cell Phones: If you are using you cell phone and taking up space on a machine, you deserve a freakin' slap. If you are yakking it up on the treadmill, someone needs to trip you.

- Skin: Modesty is well, not the motto of everyone there.

- Plastic Surgery:  You will see at least one bad Botox job. There was one woman I was going to put back in the fish tank.

- Mirrors: The more muscles you have, the slower you walk by the mirror.

- Couples: Most men don't really want to work out with their spouses.

- Free Weights: Grunting is tolerable in the free-weight section, but screaming like you just had an orgasm is not.

- Attire: I suggest posting a picture of your gym attire on Facebook before actually going to the gym. You might get some constructive feedback.

- Spandex: If you have chub rub and run wearing Spandex, people will think you are lying when your pants catch fire.

Thanks for the comments and shares!

Food, Feet and Attila the Hun

267 Pounds

Back in February of 2011, the doctor gave me a rather stern warning about my weight and my current health issues that are related to it. Although my blood pressure has always been about 140 over something, hey I am mostly a Type A, he thought it should be lower. So at 276, 111 pounds more than I weighed when I graduated high school, I made a few changes in the way I ate. Then my wife asked me to join a sadomasochistic trainer to do circuit cardio twice a week. (We are still married!)

The shrink-wrapped 6-pack has to go!

In my first 'In It to Lose It' class, I nearly blew my cookies; God's way of letting me know that eating cookies was a large part of the my weight problem. (Actually in 2004, I had an injury to my foot from improper use of the treadmill along with cheap sneakers and I stopped exercising.) This class, however; was pretty bad! I should have left my water bottle closer to the floor and brought an oxygen tank. The one-to-ten pain scale used in hospitals, now needs to be extended to 15! Webster, the writer of the definition for 'Agony' was certainly well under 50-years-old when he penned it. The editors need to add a fourth description: "just freaking shoot me!"

I got home that evening and didn't feel like eating - sort of like a New Years morning hangover.

I am now done with the seven weeks of torture and there is just one left to go. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I can! In fact, I have even gone for two additional workouts each week without the scrutiny of Attila the Hun. God knows his eternal destiny – hey, I am no Rob Bell.

Now that I can actually talk during a workout without swallowing my tongue, I intend to contact Sir Hugh Beaver to request a record review for the use of the phrase "this sucks", which has eclipsed the Guinness Book of World Records for the utterance of aforementioned phrase in a single hour.

I am making progress. I am down about 55 US pounds, my running speed is up to 7 mph from .007 mph, I have gone from less than a mile per workout to around 3, and everything that hurt before, hurts now more than before.

Then there is the food, glorious food. God in his infinite wisdom had McDonald's razed! My favorite drive-thru restaurant, the one just a few miles from my home, it is gone! And the local Uno's Chicago Restaurant is closed for remodeling until fall. A couple of weeks ago I went into Big Fresh and had an allergic reaction to the all natural food. My wife and I have figured out how to order Kids Meals at Olive Garden, we just have the 7-year-old call; three meals, under $11!

The byproduct of a high fruit and vegetable diet is obvious, but I can't find anyone to pull my finger. I don't miss the rice and potatoes too much either. Honestly, I haven't made that many changes to my former diet - or I didn't think so until now. Here is a self-test to see if you are actually a dieter, or a normal eater.

1) Does the dog food look appetizing?

2) Do you try to eat the crumbs from the bottom of every package and lick the bottom of the yogurt cup?

3) Have you extended the 5 Second Rule to 40 minutes?

4) Do you only weigh yourself after going #2?

5) Have you purposely tripped a skinny person on the escalator at the Mall?

6) Have you called the cable company to block pornographic restaurant commercials?

7) Do you "suck it in" and look at yourself in the mirror?

8) Have you  ever dreamt of a vacation to the Food Court at Disney World?

9) Have you thought of eating foods sacrificed to idols?

10) Have you started to read the Bible to see what foods will be on the table at the Great Banquet in the clouds?

If you answer yes to two or more of these questions, you might have a clue as to what has been going on with me the past eight weeks.

I know, diets usually fail, and one needs to make a lifestyle changes. For a desk-jockey this is a big change, and if all goes well, I will be running a 5K soon!

How about you, are you in shape?

Good Health is Not Picking Your Nose with a Kleenex!

I had lots of excuses for why I became obese, and eating dog food and jousting with lances were not among them!

In April I contracted hellacious flu virus which kept me on the verge of throwing up, in bodily pain, and sleepless for four days. On the third day of the siege I had so much chest pain I thought I was going to die. My wife took me right to the ER - the EKG went crazy!

They gave me all the heart attack related drugs: nitro, aspirin and Plavix. The nurse worked quickly and efficiently, all the time assuring me and my wife that my vitals were good and that was a good sign. I am not so sure how blood pressure at 62/28 is so good, but she's the expert, not me.

As the paramedics whisked me out the door she kissed me on the check and said "Don't worry, God bless you."

Sirens wailing, the paramedics raced me across town via ambulance for an emergency catheterization at the cardiovascular unit. They slid me onto the operating table, and within minutes were looking through my arteries for blockages - there were none - WTF?

In spite of the lack of atrial blockage, I was having congestive heart failure.

Exercise saved my life.
Since I spent a week in the hospital, I have a few observations about hospitals:

1) The care was excellent.- I was amazed at the compassion of both nurses and doctors, something I never saw before. Kudos to the staff! And during my ER visit over the weekend, my little one got a nose bleed while I was having an EKG - one of the nurses stepped right in. It was sort of like a 2-For-1 deal.

2) The lack of showers was a shock.- I am not too good without a shower! It was a glorious first stop the day I got home! I am trying to imagine why this is the case?

3) Drugs, drugs and more drugs.-They have drugs to fix this and that, and drugs to counteract the side-effects of the other drugs. I had 13 different ones during my visit, and I was taking 7 for months afterward. I am grateful for medicine, but my head is still spinning over the amount that one person needs to get well. But if I had to pick a favorite...

4) Tape!-I had 3 IVs and nearly a dozen heart monitoring pads as well as a dressing on the incision in near my hip. All I can say is this: there is money, big money in tape that does not rip off your body hair.

5) Dignity- there was pretty much none. Covering my privates with a 3-inch neon orange cloth was not comforting - well unless it was meant to save me from some other disaster. However; with enough Fentanyl, you could care less!

5 1/2 Sleep- it was no where to be found.

What do you think, did I miss anything?

5 1/2: A Lesson on Gym Etiquette and Fitness

Readers of other my blog know that I had a serious cardiac event a few months ago, that I bought a new Android phone, and that I have been working out for quite a while. Today you get to meet the child of those three parents! Gyms are interesting places. The YMCA where I live is sort of the Walmart of gyms. It's big, it's got a lot of stuff in a huge building, and the people, well, they are colorful. I am going to start a page People of the Y. They are some of the same characters you see on the People of Walmart site only dressed in spandex.

Come with me on a short journey from desk jockey and couch potato to amateur runner and health nerd as I share the essentials of getting into shape.

1) Equipment: If you are going to be a health nerd, you need health nerd stuff. First, you need running shoes. It is best to get the ones that do not have the flashing LED's and Dora the Explorer or Diego on them (seriously, get good ones!). Then you need a musical device: iPod, SmartPhone or MP3 player will do. If it is a really sharp looking gadget, then you'll need to get the Velcro armband holder for it. That way you don't have to hold it when you use the rest room. If it is a cheesy Barbie phone, you may want to stitch a pocket for it in your drawers.

Be sure that you have headphones; at the gym, sharing is not caring!

If you are really cool (like me!) you need a heart rate monitor (HRM) to keep track of your pulse. Some of these have alarms so you will know when you are about to die on the treadmill. Mine is wireless, and to my surprise, not only does it show up on the special decoder wristwatch I have, as well as my SmartPhone, but it displayed on the Precor treadmill too. Freaky! What's next: A study to show that diet and exercise is the only good way to lose weight?

2) Apparel: In the old days we had sweat pants and sweat shirts. Period! Walmart could have saved aisles and aisles if that were still the case - but it's not. Now you can get Spandex (please don't if it makes you look like a package of pork tenderloin!), polyester, fake velvet and even sequins. I am just kidding about the sequins - I hope. So what's up with cheap polyester? It makes noise, lots of noise. The good news is that if you are huge like I was, you won't be going fast and you be able to keep it under 90 decibles! The velvet sweat suit with the nice little piping and stripes, be careful. If you fall on the treadmill, it 's like a long-haired cat caught in a lawnmower. I'm just sayin'. Oh, and remember, Richard Simmons is not trendy.

3) Diet: Come on, you've maybe tried a few such as Jenny Craig, Atkins, South Beach or the Dill Pickle Diet. If you are going to lose pounds, you need to change the way you eat. Dill pickles are 0 calories, so try them seriously! Dump the sweet drinks, cookies, candy and chips. It's over. You may want to get rid of white rice and potatoes too! Only whole wheat or whole grain bread, bagels and crackers if you are serious. Get yourself an 8 oz measuring cup. You get two filled with veggies or fruit for each meal, plus 3-4 oz of meat or fish. The trick is to chase it down stuff that makes it taste good, there are loads of spices besides chocolate and salt. Three snacks a day of something nutritious and you're done! I went from 276 to 219 exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes. Without the exercise while I was sick, I still lost 10 pounds in 2 months.

4) Music: If you are going to move, you need music. It should rock, you are not meditating for God's sake! I suggest, Led Zeppelin, Burn Service, Steve Miller, Kutless, Tim Hughes and Jason Aldean.

5) Events: I need a goal, and you might too. Mine is a 5k race. My first for the next month is Run, Walk or Crawl 5K in a nearby town. There has got to be some slow people there! Sure, in high school I ran it in 16:57, but now I'm happy with 35 minutes.

5 1/2) Noom! - I have an app on my phone entitled Noom/Cardio Trainer. It keeps track of all my exercise and food consumption! Another app that is pretty cool if you don't have a SmartPhone is the MyFitnessPal. 

How about you, are you as healthy as you'd like to be?